Recently, I put together some thoughts for the facilitators of the Home Groups at our church on how to build intimacy in our groups. I thought I might put them out here for others as well as solicit other ideas that I might not have thought of as of yet.
– Ground Rules: The first thing that lays the foundation for openness in a group is knowing up front if they are safe or not. In our church, the first thing covered in any of our groups is that anything said in a Home Group, stays in that Home Group (for the most part). We make it clear that this is the case unless someone is currently getting hurt or abused and even then, only the people who need to know to get them help will know.
This allows everyone in the group the opportunity to decide what they want to share. We believe the last thing you want to do is provide a safe environment that people trust and then betray that person by changing things when they need help. We have found that having this guideline in place creates more honesty and sharing than it hinders.
– Gossip: Do not allow any gossip of any kind in your Home Group environment, even if it doesn’t have anything to do with anyone in the group. Besides the fact that it is a sin, it shows the people in your group that if you are willing to betray others trust then you are willing to betray theirs when they are not around. Don’t allow this trust killer!
– Personal Questions: While not going over the top, do not be afraid to ask what you consider a personal question. Also, do not apologize for asking a personal question. This is the place to get personal and you want to create an environment that is friendly to do so. If you say, “This next question is personal so don’t be afraid to not answer” and the people hearing you did not think the question was too personal… they might now that you mentioned that it is.
If people feel a question is too personal, they will not answer it. Ask the question, allow some uncomfortable silence for people to process it, and then if they don’t answer say something to the effect of “That is a tough one. That’s a good one to think through.” and move on.
– Personal Stories: Don’t be afraid to share personal stories of your own with your group. If you are the facilitator then you set the tone. If they see you trust them with your personal stories, they will begin to trust you with theirs.
– Serve Together: Get out of your living room or church room every once in awhile and get your hands dirty. Talk with your group, pick something you want to do together, and go do it. It really builds up the group to be “love in action” and share that testimony together as God uses you. You can be the answer to someone else’s prayers and your will group will have a shared story.
– Bring It! Love and Truth!: The Bible calls for 100% love and it calls for 100% truth. Build the love in your group and then share the truth rooted in that love. If you pull back saying the challenging things when someone is off base or struggling, they see it. Why trust someone you know does not care enough to say the hard things in your hard situations? Listen to the Lord as your group shares and don’t stop His prompting to speak into a situation when you feel it. (Just don’t forget to bring the love too!)
– Big Prayers: Really listen to your group when sharing prayer requests and really care about them. Ask follow up questions. Make notes so you don’t forget to ask next week how things are going (better yet, call them out of the blue in a couple days and check in). If there seems to be a heavy hearted prayer request then with care, stop everything, surround that person, lay hands over them, and pray a prayer for that one and partner in it. Prayer has power and so does community.
– Social Community: If you group has the personality for it, there is a place for social media (ie: Facebook) in your community. It gives you a chance to keep in touch, encourage one another, and share snippets of life. You make want to consider making a list just for your Home Group friends so you can do a quick glance everyday.
However, let me give two warnings. First, on-line community should compliment true community, not try to replace it. It does not work that way. Second, if you’re not going to be consistent on your Christian faith on-line as you are in Home Groups, don’t burden everyone with this step. A matter of fact, if you are not willing to be consistent in your Christian walk, you may want to talk to your pastor or staff member and let them know you are not in the right place right now to be leading a Home Group.
What other ideas do you have on building community in small groups? I’d love to hear them….. To an idea or see the ones posted, visit here….
About Tom Hypes
